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Groping with Security

 Just in time for the Thanksgiving travel season, state-sponsored sexual assault!  Welcome to America!   Now drop your drawers!
I am not a “frequent flyer” by any stretch.   My idea of fun is not being herded like a lamb to the slaughter, through a myriad of checkpoints, with the ultimate goal being to step into a pressurized metal tube hurtling through the air at several-hundred miles per hour.   Let’s put it this way—airport bars show a measurable profit on the few occasions I take to the air.

I haven’t had to deal much with the TSA.   I’ve flown twice since 9/11.   Both times the only items I took on board were a paperback book with crossword and sudoku puzzles.   I figured the less I carried, the less suspicious I would be.   I was wrong.

I guess it was the beard that prompted the vigilant TSA agents to have me remove my shoes, empty my pockets, and submit to a visual scan of my Mr. Olympia-eqsue body before being awarded the honor of boarding a clausterphobe’s nightmare.

Look, I understand the concept of airport security and why its so important.  It’s an unfortunate sign of the times.   My main concern is that this is the latest instance where Americans have had to ask, “how much do we put up with and still consider ourselves a free people?”   It seems we’re asking that question far too much these days.

Here’s the little secret that no one in the TSA will admit.   The next major terrorist attack will almost certainly NOT be via air travel.   The success of the 9-11 attacks were almost entirely dependent upon the cooperation from the passengers.   I’m sure many of them were thinking, “Great—I’m going to be late for that sales presentation in San Francisco.”  Flight 93 demonstrated what will happen on ANY flight when passengers know there’s a threat of terrorism.

Since that fateful day, a would-be shoe bomber and underwear-bomber have been subdued by civilians.  But the classic overcorrection, as the government assures us they’re doing SOMETHING to fight terrorism, is asinine.   Don’t even get me started on the profiling.   Until we determine that terrorists are using elderly Asian females to carry out bombings, elderly Asian females should not be profiled for extra “lovin'” by TSA agents.  Young Muslim males should be.

I think it’s also a prudent use of our limited resources.  If that makes me xenophobic, so be it.  as long as you don’t ask me to fly.


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